I have always had a lot of friends at one time. I’m an outgoing person with a goofy fun personality (for the most part). I love just being around people. I look back to my high school and college life and think about all the friends I have had. I have had a lot of seasonal friends, and I don’t know if I will have lifelong friends. Well my husband will be my lifelong friends but I have always dreamed of having a group of girls who just wanted to go out together and change the world. Kind of a sex and the city relationship but Christian style!
It all started yesterday when I was going over compound adjectives with my class. One of them was lifelong. And this morning I woke up to one of my friends from college letting me know she can’t come to my wedding. It was hurtful, I hadn’t been invited to her wedding either. There was another friend who didn’t invite me to her wedding as well and we all were really close friends. We all wanted to change the world together. I thought these girls were going to be my lifelong friends, and I thought we were going to change the world together.
I think it comes down to how people feel loved. Each person has their own specific love language, how they express love the best. There are five types: Acts of Service, Words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, and physical touch. I have a lot of friends who are in each category. Its important to try to learn your friend’s love language and give to them the best way you can.
That being said, I have had a lot of friends who are quality time friends. Friends that needed me to spend time with them. Usually a lot of time. I found myself getting in a lot of fights with a few of my friends over me spending too much time with my boyfriend rather than spending time with my them. I never understood it until I started reading “The Five Love Languages”. There was one particular girl who always “chased” after me I guess you can say after college. She would always call (I hated the phone) and facebook message me, but she was so good at keeping up with me. Yet I guess she just finally got tired of it, and now she isn’t going to my wedding.
So this is what I’m writing about. Seasonal friends and lifelong friends.
University friends – 4 years – off and on for summer and winter breaks
New Bern friends – 4 to 5 years during the summer and winter breaks
Janitor friends – after university until now
South Korean friends – Now
I had the best time with my university and New bern friends, we did things together: Bible studies, church, ministry and fund raising. I always thought I would be a missionary with these girls. They knew me through the hardest relationships of my life and we were always talking about Jesus and how we could change the world. We talked about who would be our bridesmaids and where we would go around the world. Yet, these surprisingly were my seasonal friends. Thank God I had them at the time, those were some fun and amazing times, but they were seasonal friends. I’m in Korea now, and they are back in America settling down. We are all going our separate ways.
Then there are my Janitor friends, the girls who I met trying to graduate college and working my butt off to get free schooling. We all had different personalities and got along so well. I am still really good friends with these girls, and I would consider them my best friends. But sometimes I worry if it will last. I would like to travel with them all around the world but I’m not sure if God has put it on them to do that. Maybe they were seasonal friends, friends I come home to. One of them is quality time, and its hard to keep up with her. She spends time with the friends who are closest in proximity to her, and I’m not one of them. The other friend has the love language of receiving gifts, probably the easiest love language of all! I hope these friends will become lifelong friends. I keep up with them all the time and I hope it stays that way.
When I first came to Korea I felt so lonely, I could talk to my friends back home when I needed them to tell them about all the dark times I was having and I could cry in their houses. It was so hard being alone for the first 6 months. I was depressed and there wasn’t anyone to help me. The other people here either were too strict of Christians to except me who I was or were party people that didn’t want to hear anything about Christ. It was so lonely.
Yet now God is opening up doors. He sent this girl who I knew from New Bern, we didn’t hang out a whole lot, she was a friend of a friend and we all had fun times together and talked about Christ. Now she is in South Korea its crazy. The sad thing is that she is 2 and a half hours away so its a little difficult to get to her. There is also another girl who is coming to live near me who was the girlfriend of my ex’s best friend. We both ended up without those guys and now she is coming to South Korea. Both of these girls were brought into my life for a reason and I’m so happy.
So, in conclusion, as hard as it seems sometimes, there are seasonal and lifelong friends. Unfortunately I have chosen a life where very few friends will be, so it will be much more difficult to make close, lifelong friends. Yet I am thankful for my seasonal friends. As a Christian I am thankful to have a lifelong friend in Jesus, that He will be there for me when my friends and family aren’t. He will be there for me forever, he will come to weddings, be in the bathroom with me when I’m crying, and travel around the world with me. I am overjoyed to have Him in my life to strengthen me, challenge me and encourage me.
So its ok to have seasonal friends!