“A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.” – Proverbs 22:3
I have been such a fool in so many ways this year and this verse sums it up. I have been the simpleton that blindly goes on and doesn’t worry about the consequences. I would say I was trusting but really it was foolishness of a simpleton. I no longer want to be that woman. I want to be “prudent” who sees the danger signs and walks away no matter how hard it is to walk away.
It is my choice to be prudent
It starts today…
So I made some pretty big desisions today that were a huge deal to me. I realized in making these new boundaries in my life its so nice to have a choice. I have a choice to do what is best for me. I have a choice to do what is best for others. I have a choice to be happy. Sometimes I would just get in this rut of thinking I have to follow, follow and follow when in reality if following is hurting me, I can choose to walk away.
In my case it was hard to walk away, but when I’m not being treated in a healthy way. If I am being disrespected and unloved and used. I can make the choice to walk away. Most of my life people have been treated me very poorly, but I realize I don’t have to let them keep choosing to treat me that way. I can do whatever I put my mind to. And I’m going to start putting my mind to being a successful, healthy woman, and godly woman.
So, today was my choice.
My choice to choose respect
My choice to choose love
My choice to choose honor
My choice to choose success
My choice to choose….and that is it!
So its one of those nights where you can’t sleep because of a million thoughts going through your head and a thousand feelings hitting you all at once.
Its a night where no one answers your texts as you desperately reach out for human affection.
A night where you just want to be held and know that everything will be ok.
Tears are slowly creeping down my cheek as I wonder if I will ever be loved again or be able to love again. Darkness has crept into my life and left a seemingly impossible stain that refuses to be removed.
I want to be held. I want to be appreciated. I want to be loved.
In so many ways my life is such a success but I can’t seem to find that one person who is willing to share in it with me. I jump in too soon, I cover up my desire for intimacy with carnal lusts. I want to love again and be loved yet not be shit on again.
I don’t regret my past and what the Lord had desired me to go through. I’m just lonely right now and I know that God wants me to seek His face and His intimacy. I know He wants me to rely on Him for my needs and to follow after Him.
Though I would love for my feet to be rubbed right now and my heart to be filled with words of affirmation from a man I respect and admire, I know that now is not that time.
I know appropriate boundaries need to be put in place. I know confessions need to happen. I know focus needs to be centered.
For those who I texted tonight….thank you for not answering for my soul, body and mind might have been saved. My mind will slow down and my heart will find rest in peace.
Tomorrow is a new day and a new start. I will follow what He has laid out before me. I will accomplish much in life. I will do great things for Christ with His power in me.
So 2:30am….you have not won tonight…
So many men complain about how complicated women are and how confusing they are. I’m here to say that men are just as confusing! I’m thankful that God has created us to different but just trying to understand the opposite sex is a job in itself. I know why Paul said it is better for a man to serve God by himself. He would be without distractions! I get so distracted by what guys are thinking, and what they may think and ect ect. The amount of time I spent thinking about it I could do so many other things.
Actually that really just hit me pretty hard. The amount of time I spent talking to guys, thinking about what they may be thinking, and trying to figure them out I could be doing so many other things! This is not in my control, only God’s. He will let happen what should happen. He will point me in the right direction and I need to follow that path.
Ok men, you are attractive, alluring and tempting, but I’m off to be more productive with my time!!