Monthly Archives: August 2013

Insecurty feeders

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I can’t seem to get work out of my mind tonight. I can’t sleep, I keep dreaming of confrontations, gossip and the people causing them. I feel extremely vulnerable now at work. I fee like I’m not doing a good job and there are a few select people who are feeding off of those insecurities.

 

Why do people do that? Why do Christians act so “un-christian”? It breaks my heart on a selfish end because I don’t want to be treated that way. The other end that breaks my heart is I know that they have nothing better to do with their lives other than to stir up trouble and start rumors.

 

And yet why am I laying awake because of these insignificant people? Anyone who chooses to devote their life to chastising me, blaming me and zeroing in on my faults is no friend of mine in my personal life or my professional life.

 

So why am I lying awake?

Why do I care?

Why do I feel defensive?

Why am I worried about my job?

I have my whole life ahead of me

I have great initiative

I have fantastic creativity

I am passionate about serving

 

And yet I struggle with low self-esteem and what people think of me

 

I tried to get it out of my head today and it just caught up to me. I can’t sleep. I feel overwhelmed and overloaded. The expectations are great for me. Sometimes I feel like they are too high. There is an extreme lack of understanding on some people’s heads.

 

There are just some people who could care less about others. Here are some tell tale signs:

 

  1. They are always talking about themselves and their lives

  2. Nothing is ever their fault

  3. They bash people in front of others excessively

 

“Dear Lord, I am struggling with this so much tonight. Please be with me tomorrow as I go throughout my workweek. Give me Your peace, Your wisdom, Your grace and Your love that I’m having the hardest time giving. Help me to have Your understanding, Your patience, and Your mercy. I don’t deserve anything in this world, I am a struggling ugly creature who sins all the time. My lack of patience, my lust and my world is so narrow. I hate how I have become. I would even say I hate myself. I want You to work through me, I want to be Your child again. I want Your Holy Spirit to be within me as I go to work. Let Your passion fill me up. Please give me Your desire to do Your will.

 

Help me deal with people who have it out for me. Help me to not zero in on them but to zero in on You. Help me to not even care so much about my bosses for they don’t have a higher authority in my life compared to You. You are my higher authority and thank You for that.

 

Strengthen me dear Lord….I am Yours….do what You will in my life…”

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